Snack cake burgler strikes!

9: 05 a.m. A caller at the Tontitown Electrical Substation in Springdale reported a delivery truck broken into and $ 200 worth of snack cakes stolen.

oatmeal, vaseline, newspaper, potatoes and ectoplasm

9: 11 a.m. A man at 1601 S. 28 th Place reported oatmeal, petroleum jelly, newspaper and instant mashed potatoes all over a vehicle.

4: 18 a.m. A woman at 305 Rose Garden Lane reported someone rang her doorbell and left a sticky substance on her doorknob.

Mmmmm, donuts....

5: 07 p.m. A man at Helping Hands, 320 Airport Road, reported a female driver doing doughnuts in the parking lot with a child on the roof of her vehicle.

I just wanted to take a moment to mention that last weekend I ate a bacon burger on a donut and it was quite possibly the best thing ever. That's all.

5(butter + knives) = x - bread

11: 42 p.m. A man on Hidden Springs Drive in Decatur reported being robbed by five men armed with butter knives.

Thanks Brooke!

honesty is the best policy.

6: 12 p.m. A woman at Wal-Mart, 2110 W. Walnut St., reported a woman turned herself in after not ringing up some groceries in the self checkout.

Perp wore a macintosh bigger than mount fuji and was red, delicious, and rotten to the core

10: 14 p.m. A man at Granny Smith Avenue and Apple Butter Street reported graffiti on the garage of a vacant house.

poltergeist?

10: 33 a.m. A man at 1102 N. W. Lincoln Court reported water flooding an apartment, dish soap all over the walls and cereal flakes everywhere.

she did something, she thought it was art; she used to create supersonic farts*

8: 31 a.m. A woman at St. Mary’s Hospital, 1200 W. Walnut St., reported she ate at Sonic and now she has chemical poisoning.

*for the Numbskulz fans among you.

my shopping list

11: 21 a. m. A woman at Kum & Go, 2351 W. Sunset Ave. reported a woman with a baby stole hot dogs, lunch meat and ravioli.

in some parts of the world they're considered a delicacy

2: 20 p. m. A man at Lin’s Garden, 2101 S. E. Walton Blvd., reported finding a “critter” in his food and management wouldn’t do anything about it.

and there's more where that came from.

3: 03 p. m. A caller at Jose’s Southwest Grille, 5240 W. Sunset Ave., reported a couple with a set of twins and a toddler wouldn’t pay their bill and offered to leave their children as payment.

werewolves don't have time for the 5-items-or-less line

1: 21 p. m. A man at 307 Leflors Ave. reported steaks stolen from his freezer.

hold the horsey sauce, please

5: 05 p. m. A man at Arby’s Restaurant, 2605 S. E. 14 th St., reported a person soliciting sex for food.