it was unclear at press time whether or not he was carrying smallpox-infested blankets

2: 04 p. m. A caller at 3577 Friendship Road in Springdale reported a man tearing down his fence and claiming to own the property.

not the ants! my beloved ants!

4: 18 p. m. A man on East Gulley, Fayetteville, reported a man threatening to smash the ants around his house if he doesn’t pay him $ 10, 000.

we wear (extremely) short shorts.

1: 18 p. m. A caller on North Betty Jo Drive reported a man wearing extremely short shorts was exposing himself while he mowed the grass.

not nice, but scores points for improvising on the fly

3: 53 p. m. A woman on Sycamore Place reported a man attacked her with a weed trimmer.

consider spring sprung

6: 27 p. m. A woman on West Arkansas 16 reported neighbors having sex outside.

...because the front yard is where you keep all these things, apparently.

3: 14 a. m. A woman at 901 Lafayette St. reported a refrigerator, files and drinks stolen from the front yard.

get yer damn dirt offa my dirt

3: 58 p. m. A man at 1282 Forest St. reported a large amount of dirt thrown onto his property when a vehicle was stuck in his yard.

time to make the doughnuts...

8: 44 p. m. A man at 17897 Wheeler Road, Fayetteville, reported a pickup drove into his yard and did doughnuts.

ponderous doings on n. wedington

11: 54 a. m. A man at 13204 N. Wedington Drive, Lincoln, reported his neighbor drained his pond and dead fish and sludge are in his ditch.